February 2011
27 posts
I wish I was better at generating my own happiness today, there isn’t any outside.
Some things from the past week:
The flights there and back actually felt pretty short.
When I had to make a connection in Houston, I was freaking out about finding a different terminal and all that, but I ended up getting right back on the plane I’d arrived on.
At the New Orleans airport Sean and...
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bright day.
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Okay so before I forget everything I felt, and because I’m sad about leaving a Sean and need a distraction currently, I’m going to document my experience with mdma.
Aiight, so Sean and I went to a nature reserve just outside of his town. We walked around and spied on deer through binoculars. Thennnn I took the pill. Which sort of sucked because I fail at swallowing pills, so I had to...
Umm yesterday I got convinced to go to karaoke again. It was actually pretty fun this time, and some people at the table bought us 2 rounds (right before Bianca wanted to leave). I had all this drunken energy that I really didn’t want to waste on sleeping, so I went to Ryan’s, ate a ton of ice cream & froot loops, spun around in a spinny chair, started beating him up but only ended...
ENERGY nnd BEINBG FED ALCOHOL AND A SEAN IN A DAY AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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I keep having recurring bad dreams. Last night was really bad, I woke up this morning and my heart hurt like crazy.
I want to collapse like a pile of goo.
The next 3 days are going to be painfulllll to get through.
...
Going through all my downloads & clearing them out, I found all the recordings Sean sent me from a tripping-out session in November. I’m listening to them while I study. Apparently he saw my nostrils in giant glowing pink neon, umm heck yeahh!
I also think my subconscious just finds it comforting having his apartment noises in the background.
Last night I had wanted to go to a folk metal concert with Allison & Alex so we could all be angry about being alone on valentines. Except not really, I just thought it would be a ridiculous time to go to a metal show. Buuuut we didn’t actually go. Tickets were $30 and we are all brokeass mothereffers.
We went to Broken City instead, and got there just in time to pay $5 to watch the...
I am insanely worried about finding a job in the States this summer. If I can’t, I only get to be with Sean for like 2 weeks. Then I have to wait to February to be with him again. Sooo sort of a big deal.
Grahhhjf I just feel like there are a seriously limited number of jobs available in the first place, and why would anyone give a job to me when they could give it to someone who is...
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Today I was in a super strange mood. I think it was all the caffeine i drank at work, plus probably also the giant cupcake I had.
Anyways, I felt like I was in a movie where I was the main character with a obsessive psychological disorder. I was chilling in a bathroom stall in the mall and suddenly my eyes wouldn’t stop focusing on the coat/purse-hanger-y thing. I kept zooming my eyes in...
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Oolong with Allison & Bianca tonight! Happy.
I miss nights with a Sean. I hardly ever venture downtown anymore.
I re-created a Sean vibe the other day by accident.
It was on the hour & a half transit ride back home from school. The sun was going down, I had Fever Ray turned way up on my ipod, cold air was blowing through an open window and it smelled like melting snow.
Shisha smell...
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